entry #7
“Over half in 3 states? 3 of the 50 states?
Goes to show how different Asian American experiences can be based on geographic location. Yet there’s still so much shared. Figuring out your identity. Who you are-Where you belong. The right to know who you are without other people labeling you.
FEELING OF DISPLACEMENT
I don’t necessarily look like anyone where I feel most at home. Yet when I travel abroad, I sometimes an embraced by an entirely strange and foreign culture, but it’s not home. Not what I know. WHERE DO I FIT IN?
LABELS. ASSUMPTIONS. FRUSTRATION.
I don’t identify as Chinese. I never have, and I don’t believe I ever will. It would save me so much time and energy to just go along with people’s assumptions about my identity, but I’m not letting anyone take my identity from me. My heritage is Taiwanese.
Get it straight.
BLEND. MELT. Throw away your up bringing. ASSIMILATE. Forget your history. FIT IN. That’s how & only how acceptance occurs. LIES. CONFUSION. It doesn’t have to be that way.
EXTRA-GOOD IMPRESSION. REPUTATION. CARRYING THE BURDEN
Since I was younger my mom would urge me to be especially cautious-After all, I might be the 1st Asian American people might meet. Gotta make a good first impression so people will treat us better. Make sure you tip well at restaurants so you can build up a good reputation for others…
Why is your hair black? What do you have weird food in your lunchbox? Why don’t you speak to you parents in English? With questions like these, or accusation rather, it’s no wonder I had a desire to fit in. To lead 2 separate lives at school and at home. I know of times when I hated that I liked math and I played the piano. Way to reinforce stereotypes.
Growing up I tended to befriend almost strictly non-Asian Americans. Not like I had to make much of an effort with our demographics. I learned to keep my experience to myself. Self suppression, I suppose.
I’ve never really been one to draw attention to myself. I thought that by disassociating myself from other Asian Americans I would blend in better. Draw less attention. But looking back, I realize I’ve never felt more out of place. College has encourage me to challenge myself, challenge how I saw myself. See my identity as a gift rather than a burden or a shame.
I wonder what would have happened had I grown up in one of the 3 states. Would I be a more genuine “Asian American?” Would I have understood the significance of being an Asian American? Would I recognize and appreciate my identity as I do now?
Searching for my identity is a never-ending journey and I can’t wait to see where else this quest will take me. “
-Corvallis, Oregon
Tags: food, identity, oregon, stereotype